Beloved.

Time for an update... perhaps this will be a little less emotionally charged and bit more positive? I'm also going to throw in a couple of things I've been learning, walking through and getting excited about.

If I could rename myself, I would pick the name "Chemdah", which is "beloved" when transliterated from the Old Testament Hebrew. This is how I feel God addresses me when He really wants to drive home a point into my heart. Recently, He wanted me to know within my heart was how deeply loved I am. Sure, I can say to you God loves me because He sent Christ to die for the atonement of my sins. I do believe this in my heart and it does speak to me, but I want to hear God tell me Himself how He loves me. During Fast Friday, I wrestled with a statement told to me by a counselor. She said that I don't understand true love and I've had lots of experiences that show me wrong/inferior examples of love. Despite how much this hurt, I know parts of it are true.

From my journal:

"Beloved,
Let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God because GOD IS LOVE. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be propitiation for our sins...So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. GOD IS LOVE, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:9-10, 16.

So I was reminded that I know love. And no only that, but I live in love. Please continue to pray for me as I deepen my understanding of real love, true love and how much God loves me.

Other updates:

Life:

• Things are alright for me. As I briefly mentioned earlier, I've been meeting with a counselor. Lots of things have happend in my twenty-four years of life and I honestly just came to the realization that what I've walked through is NOT normal. Each individual life event I've experinced is enough to take out a person... all of them combined is pretty much insane and only sustainable because of God's grace. My tattoo rings true. I definitely walk because of God's grace.

• My roommates are PHENOMENAL. I love them so much and I'm soooo greatful for them. On Monday, December 8th (I think) we're going to the Christmas tree lot and picking up our house tree! A REAL TREE!!! This will be a first for me... for as long as I can remember, I've had an artificial tree...besides last year when Sarah and I had a cactus... :)
  

Ministry:

• S.P.O.M :Sleep-over Parties Once Monthly. Our ladies are creative! Nov 21 was our first girl's night. After Fast Friday we had a sleep over that included playing games and getting to know each other. Many of our ladies who come to Nav Nite have the chance to see each other around on campus, but have yet to truly interact with one another. We created a once a month time to get together to seriously get into one another's lives. I'm definitly excited for these times.
  
• Bible readings: Emily and I have had the amazing opportunity to meet up with a gal and read through a chapter of the Bible together. These times create great conversation and tons of challenging questions. We are both excited to keep these going through out the rest of the school year.
  

I'm sure there are more things to update on, but right now its getting late and I need to get ready to drive back to LBC in the morning. Thanks again for continually keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. If you want to hear about more of my processing, please feel free to get in contact with me.