I looked at the title of my blog and felt the hot sting of tears. I can and very easily claim the verse Joshua 1:9 for my ministry and all the work that I do for the Navigators. I realized tonight, I've never claimed it for my life. If I am going to have the courage to go all over the world to share Jesus with people, I must have the courage to dig deep into my life and continue to share Jesus with myself. Going there with the Lord is hard and not something I always want to do. A wise woman once told me that the path of wisdom is always hard to walk along. I hate it when I have to actually deal with my issues. In my world, it seems like it would be easier to ignore the problems and let them go away. I'm coming to realize that has been the main issue for so long. Things in my life that I haven't dealt with.... I let them grow yet would attempt to cut them back at times... they would grow and grow and grow. The way to get rid of something is to pull it out by the roots.
I came home to Tempe yesterday and was shocked to see the growth that has happened all around my house. We have this bush in the front yard that kind of reminds me of an alien. In my head, I refer to it as the "space bush". Lame... I know... Anyway, this "space bush" had grown so out of control, I couldn't even make it to my front door. I had to push back branches that have these tiny round orange flowers all over it. The place was a mess and I was instantly embarrassed because I know many people have driven by and seen the attack of the "space bush". I was even embarrassed because I knew that the mail man had to push back these orange budded branches just to do his job and deliver the mail that was supposed to be on vacation suspend. Anyway, I say all of this because it reminds me of the sin in my life. These are the issues I just don't want to deal with. I let them go, believing that they will continue to be the same small issues when I come back. I'm wrong. They grow and create a mess that has to be pushed back in order to get to the door. They stop me from being seen as the real and redeemed Michelle. They attempt to look pretty and add decoration. These are just lies and they need to be ripped out at the root.
I'm reading a book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free and its pretty interesting. I'm learning about how lies go back to the original sin of Adam and Eve. The lie that tricked Eve made the fruit look absolutely irresistible. She traded the truth about God for a lie that resulted in astronomical affects on His precious creation. If she can do that... what about me? What affects will the lies that I believe have on the rest of God's creation?
I'm here to say that I've fallen short. I've messed up and now have to walk through a process of understanding truth all over again. Things I do know is that God's love is unchanging, everlasting, permanent and will never ever ever be changed or taken away by anything that I do...same goes for you too. I know that I'm never too far away from God to be out of His reach. I'm never too close that I don't need Him.
I can tell that my move to California will be another life impacting step for me. Perhaps I will finally see freedom from the bondage of lies that I believe. Perhaps I'll help others obtain this same freedom. Heck, perhaps I'll even get married and really have to deal with issues in my life... who knows what these next two years of Staff In Training will provide for me. God is a big God who loves unconditionally and desires nothing else but to have us in right standing and good fellowship with Him.
You promised me that You'll never leave me nor forsake me. You say in Isaiah 43:2 that when I pass through the waters, You will be with me, and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm me; when I walk through fire I shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume me. You said to me in Joshua 1:9 to be strong and courageous; to not be terrified or discouraged because You are with me whenever I may go. So here I am, I will walk. I will go. I will fight. It will be hard and I'll probably try to quit on You. I'll probably say mean things to You; say that You are wrong; attempt to not trust you. I'm sick of watching all of this grow into an overgrown ugly mess. Please go to the root and tear it out. Continue to make me new. Continue to keep me excited about what you are doing in and through my life. Here I am Lord... let's do this.