I just saw that my last post was from back in December. Soooooo much has happend in the past 2.5 months. Sorry its been so long since my last post. From now on, I'll try to keep this going.
Lets see, I don't think it's wise for me to sit here and try to remember every detail from way back when, so I'll just focus on some of the highlights.
My last blog was a desperate plea for me to remember to cling to God and His truths. He always provides, is always trustworthy and will never leave. I spent a lot of time in December/January feeling out of control and scared because nothing was in my hands. Part of me questioned whether or not I could trust God for seeminling mundane things. Well at the end of January, God blew me away. I needed to become fully funded by February 1, 2008 in order to continue serving full-time on campus. January 28, 2008, I just so happend to check my account and expected to see that I was still below my funding goal. God came through in a HUGE way. I only needed $36 to become "offically" 100%! I also found out that there was still some of the ethnic funding from the Navigators that was originally going to help me become 100% if I still had need. I was overjoyed! Two days before my deadline, the funding goal was met and I had nothing to worry about. Praise the Lord!
Enter February. Not only is it the shortest month ever, but it has seriously FLOWN by. I was talking with Sarah earlier this week week and asked her if she realized that March was on Saturday. So here's something crazy, by the beginning of Spring Break, there will be exactly two more months until ASU holds GRADUATION for the class of '08. I feel like time is flying by and I can not grasp onto any of it. On one hand, I'm excited at how fast time is going by, but on the other I know that means I have big decisions to make. At the beginning of February, I sat with my Regional Director and discussed what next year could look like for me. I was shocked that I've already finished a year and half of EDGE and that I have to start serious decision making about Staff In Training. I told Joe that I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this whole "staff thing" for the long haul. I told him that I still had my doubts about funding. Joe reassured me that I have relied on the Lord for two years now to fund me fully and He's gone above and beyond what I "need". So no longer does the question "Will God provide for me" still exist. So if I choose S.I.T, and if the funding doesn't happen fully, and if things become financially hard for me, God still will take care of me in every capacity I need for Him to. I've seen that firsthand and He's proven that to me over and over.
February has also been a month of learning for me. Each semester I try to find girls that I can claim as "mine" and say that I've had some awesome eternal impact. I think I can call that Learning Lesson 2. (The whole lesson about funding and provision was lesson 1.) Well this time, the girls I was extremely excited about simply just decided that meeting with me looks a little different in their minds. Some have simply made themselves comepletely unavailable and no longer answer or return any means of communication made towards them. Others have just decided that "This isn't something they feel like talking about or dealing with or want to do." I respect that. I'd rather them tell me they don't want it rather than feed me false answers. But I did sit back and wonder what the lesson was in all of this. Well, as I was crying and feeling extremely discouraged one day, God reminded me of Jesus. How Jesus watched people turn from Him daily. How His own disciples denied ever knowing Him and even scattered after His arrest. How Jesus died on the cross for the World and daily people decide that the message of Christ isn't a message they "just feel like believing in today." Who am I to get sad over the fact that a few students don't want to meet up with me? I mean, it hurts because I truly do value the friendship and mentor relationship of these women and when they don't want to meet up with me, I sometimes don't know what to think. Jesus felt this so much worse and I need to count it a blessing that I'm "sharing in His suffering" just a little bit. This was a huge lesson for me because not only did God remind me of who I am and who Jesus is, but He also showed me how to combat the lies I believe with Truth. When I live in Truth and walk in Truth, I don't have to continue to live in discouragement and defeat. The lies I believe about myself, my ministry and who God is are disarmed and will not have an effect on me anymore. Wow, what a mighty God we serve.
There are definitely more blogs to come. Right now I should get back to working on Bible study. Thanks for reading my ramblings about what God's been up to in my life. Love you.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Taking a look back...
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." --> Matthew 6:25-34
I've decided that this is my new life verse. I'm claiming it for myself, my ministry, my funding, my everything. I love it because it's Jesus talking about how much our Father in heaven will take care of us. As I read this verse, I'm completely humbled because I'm reminded of how much I worry and how much I take things into my own hands. Jesus is compelling us to look at the birds in the air and the grass in the field and observe how much they are taken care of. I'm more important than a bird, right? I'm cared for more than the grass of the fields. I have to know and must believe that if these things are taken care of, God WILL take care of me. I also love how Christ points out the fact that God know all that we need. He created the need and therefore has a way to provide for the need. How incredible is that??
As I look back on this semester, I think about all the times where I didn't think God would come through. I didn't believe that He had control of whatever situation and because of that, I let my faith waiver. As I look back, I can't help but give praise to God for how He has worked and how He completely blew me away.
*I had a bible study of girls who committed to meeting weekly and came prepared to talk about the study.
*I saw God call one of his daughters (from the bible study) back to Him and drastically change her life.
*I witnessed 150 college students and Nav staff come together to build 4 houses in 1.5 days.
*I saw 20 amazing college women come together and share the gospel in a language not their own.
*I and all of you who read this blog and support the ministry prayed for God to do big things in our lives and ministry here at ASU and He did just that.
Again, conclusions from this semester: Ask of Him what is needed and He provides. Sometimes He provides in ways I can't understand or don't think He will provide at all... God always has surprises for us.
Connection to God is KEY. If we are not connected to God we cannot say that He is not faithful. I've had plenty of conversations with people who have just decided that God is not real, or God does not provide for us, or that He simply does not care. I think that is just a projection of our fears and unbelief on Him. God cares so much He provided a way out of sin and darkness. He gave us a way for us to walk in the light, to walk in wealth, in richness, in full-life. I'm saddened to watch people dilberately choose things that do not give God glory and then blame Him when they perceive "His lack of provision." We must stay connected to God in order to grow. Of course this is not easy. I'll be the first to admit that. I've continually chosen other things over my Creator because they simply appealed more to me. I've walked through my share of hard things and dark times. I've even been one to claim that God is not there and does not care. But now I'm committed to being connected with God. I'm committed to helping others connect with God. Its amazing and I'm excited for next semester.
I've decided that this is my new life verse. I'm claiming it for myself, my ministry, my funding, my everything. I love it because it's Jesus talking about how much our Father in heaven will take care of us. As I read this verse, I'm completely humbled because I'm reminded of how much I worry and how much I take things into my own hands. Jesus is compelling us to look at the birds in the air and the grass in the field and observe how much they are taken care of. I'm more important than a bird, right? I'm cared for more than the grass of the fields. I have to know and must believe that if these things are taken care of, God WILL take care of me. I also love how Christ points out the fact that God know all that we need. He created the need and therefore has a way to provide for the need. How incredible is that??
As I look back on this semester, I think about all the times where I didn't think God would come through. I didn't believe that He had control of whatever situation and because of that, I let my faith waiver. As I look back, I can't help but give praise to God for how He has worked and how He completely blew me away.
*I had a bible study of girls who committed to meeting weekly and came prepared to talk about the study.
*I saw God call one of his daughters (from the bible study) back to Him and drastically change her life.
*I witnessed 150 college students and Nav staff come together to build 4 houses in 1.5 days.
*I saw 20 amazing college women come together and share the gospel in a language not their own.
*I and all of you who read this blog and support the ministry prayed for God to do big things in our lives and ministry here at ASU and He did just that.
Again, conclusions from this semester: Ask of Him what is needed and He provides. Sometimes He provides in ways I can't understand or don't think He will provide at all... God always has surprises for us.
Connection to God is KEY. If we are not connected to God we cannot say that He is not faithful. I've had plenty of conversations with people who have just decided that God is not real, or God does not provide for us, or that He simply does not care. I think that is just a projection of our fears and unbelief on Him. God cares so much He provided a way out of sin and darkness. He gave us a way for us to walk in the light, to walk in wealth, in richness, in full-life. I'm saddened to watch people dilberately choose things that do not give God glory and then blame Him when they perceive "His lack of provision." We must stay connected to God in order to grow. Of course this is not easy. I'll be the first to admit that. I've continually chosen other things over my Creator because they simply appealed more to me. I've walked through my share of hard things and dark times. I've even been one to claim that God is not there and does not care. But now I'm committed to being connected with God. I'm committed to helping others connect with God. Its amazing and I'm excited for next semester.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Trusting pt Deux
Along with trusting that the Lord has a plan for my life, I need to trust that the Lord has plans for my ministry. I left Tempe for like 6 days and feel like I've missed an entire semester. I'm leaving again for another 5 days and fear for how disconnected I'll feel once I get back. But as always.. God is good and His plan is always perfect. It doesn't always look like how I wish it would, but that's okay. If I planned my own life and did what I wanted to do... I wouldn't be where I am today and I certainly wouldn't have the joy from life that I have found and will continue to find. Things will work out. Continue to pray for this semester. Great things are happening. Very awesome new people are coming around and I'm really excited about that. Alright, I think that's it. Peace out. I'll write more later. :)
Trusting...
No more disclaimers. All of my blogs will be long and probably filled with ramblings. I'm working out a lot and still want you to be apart of it... hence why I'm publishing all of my thoughts online. If you want to read on, please feel free. Also, please pray for me... that all of this will be figured out, or at least I will find great joy in this process and fall deeper in love with our Creator.
I said in my last post that I was trying to figure out this whole being "satisfied in Christ" deal. I mentioned how I constantly run to things that never satisfy or temporarily satisfy, only to find myself empty and wanting more. These things I run to can never fill me up, yet again, I continue to turn to them...
I'm sitting in Lux, this really cool coffee shop in Phoenix, and I realized I haven't spent much processing time with God. I've been literally running around the country, bouncing from state to state doing various activities. All of this has been great, but it's left me distracted and feeling a bit dried up. I have been attempting to deeply read through the book of Hosea. I opened up and quickly my eyes bounced to Hosea 3:3. It says, "And I said to her, 'You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I be also to you." The book of Hosea is beautiful because its about Hosea, a minor prophet who was commanded by God to marry a prostitute. He marries this woman who is obviously unfaithful to him. Yet he continues to chase after her and redeem her from her shallow realm of prostituting. God uses Hosea to represent His own love for the world. He loves us and continues to take us back even though we are constantly "cheating" on Him with things of the world... money, sex, material possessions, gambling... whatever it is that distracts us from God... Anyway, Hosea reclaims his wife after she yet again gets mixed up into selling herself to things that will never satisfy her. I read this passage today and realized I need to continue to find my satisfaction in the Lord. He's the only one who can truly fill and satsify EVERY need.
The rest of my processing time led me to realize I run to things not of the Lord because that, for the most part, is all I understand. Like Hosea's wife who did not truly understand to find love in her faithful husband... I don't fully understand or grasp how much the Lord truly loves me...us... all of His creation. I spend my days daydreaming of my wedding day or the time I first meet my husband... or other crap like that. I confess, for the past few years, I have been struggling with why I want these things so badly. I just turned 23. I'm not very old. Why do I long to be settled down? Why am I not happy with my freedom I have? I get to meet people, move around the country, travel the world, give away my life to others. Not that I can't do these things when I'm married.... I just have more time/freedom to do them now, since I'm single. Anyway, all of this rambling will have a point, which I will probably come to now. I don't trust in the Lord as deeply as I should. That's hard to write and publish online... but since I'm feeling bold, I might as well share with the world that I don't always trust in the Lord like I need to. I can proclaim to others how much they need to trust the Lord... yet I don't always do it myself. No, I don't mean to be a hypocrit (is that spelled correctly??? idk)... but anyway, I'm human and I do tend to do the things I wish I did not. I fear many things in this life... one being that the Lord will not provide for my deepest desires... i.e: a husband to love me for all the craziness that I am. Another fear being that I will not live long enough to experience all that I wish to. I have seen so many people be called home to the Lord at such young ages. This is my realm of understanding. Because they have lost their lives so young, I will as well. God wrote His own specific plan for each and every one of us. We are NOT all the same. We are all unique. That's the beauty of life. We don't have to follow the same plan or walk the same path. Many will do similar things and have lives that look similar, but that does not mean we all live the same lives. I am not the same as all of those who have gone on before me. God will work out His plan the way He sees fit. I need to trust that, despite my shallow realm of understanding.
The author of Hebrews writes in chapter 12, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurnace the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." I need to lay aside my fears... they're irrational anyway... and I need to run with endurance what God has set before me. Not knowing the plan for my life is scary. Following my own plan for life would be even worse. Today was eye opening. I feel encouraged. I'm glad that I'm discovering this journey of discovery.
I have no idea if this is encouraging to you. I'm just glad you took the time to read it. Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I said in my last post that I was trying to figure out this whole being "satisfied in Christ" deal. I mentioned how I constantly run to things that never satisfy or temporarily satisfy, only to find myself empty and wanting more. These things I run to can never fill me up, yet again, I continue to turn to them...
I'm sitting in Lux, this really cool coffee shop in Phoenix, and I realized I haven't spent much processing time with God. I've been literally running around the country, bouncing from state to state doing various activities. All of this has been great, but it's left me distracted and feeling a bit dried up. I have been attempting to deeply read through the book of Hosea. I opened up and quickly my eyes bounced to Hosea 3:3. It says, "And I said to her, 'You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I be also to you." The book of Hosea is beautiful because its about Hosea, a minor prophet who was commanded by God to marry a prostitute. He marries this woman who is obviously unfaithful to him. Yet he continues to chase after her and redeem her from her shallow realm of prostituting. God uses Hosea to represent His own love for the world. He loves us and continues to take us back even though we are constantly "cheating" on Him with things of the world... money, sex, material possessions, gambling... whatever it is that distracts us from God... Anyway, Hosea reclaims his wife after she yet again gets mixed up into selling herself to things that will never satisfy her. I read this passage today and realized I need to continue to find my satisfaction in the Lord. He's the only one who can truly fill and satsify EVERY need.
The rest of my processing time led me to realize I run to things not of the Lord because that, for the most part, is all I understand. Like Hosea's wife who did not truly understand to find love in her faithful husband... I don't fully understand or grasp how much the Lord truly loves me...us... all of His creation. I spend my days daydreaming of my wedding day or the time I first meet my husband... or other crap like that. I confess, for the past few years, I have been struggling with why I want these things so badly. I just turned 23. I'm not very old. Why do I long to be settled down? Why am I not happy with my freedom I have? I get to meet people, move around the country, travel the world, give away my life to others. Not that I can't do these things when I'm married.... I just have more time/freedom to do them now, since I'm single. Anyway, all of this rambling will have a point, which I will probably come to now. I don't trust in the Lord as deeply as I should. That's hard to write and publish online... but since I'm feeling bold, I might as well share with the world that I don't always trust in the Lord like I need to. I can proclaim to others how much they need to trust the Lord... yet I don't always do it myself. No, I don't mean to be a hypocrit (is that spelled correctly??? idk)... but anyway, I'm human and I do tend to do the things I wish I did not. I fear many things in this life... one being that the Lord will not provide for my deepest desires... i.e: a husband to love me for all the craziness that I am. Another fear being that I will not live long enough to experience all that I wish to. I have seen so many people be called home to the Lord at such young ages. This is my realm of understanding. Because they have lost their lives so young, I will as well. God wrote His own specific plan for each and every one of us. We are NOT all the same. We are all unique. That's the beauty of life. We don't have to follow the same plan or walk the same path. Many will do similar things and have lives that look similar, but that does not mean we all live the same lives. I am not the same as all of those who have gone on before me. God will work out His plan the way He sees fit. I need to trust that, despite my shallow realm of understanding.
The author of Hebrews writes in chapter 12, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurnace the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." I need to lay aside my fears... they're irrational anyway... and I need to run with endurance what God has set before me. Not knowing the plan for my life is scary. Following my own plan for life would be even worse. Today was eye opening. I feel encouraged. I'm glad that I'm discovering this journey of discovery.
I have no idea if this is encouraging to you. I'm just glad you took the time to read it. Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Sunday, August 26, 2007
satisfied?
There might be more added to this post as I continue to process through something God has brought to my attention. Just so you know, this is some of my processing that isn't all the way finished and might not make much sense. If you want to process with me, read on. If you want to pray for and with me, please do. Thanks for reading and listening to me externally figure out hard things in my life.
I learned during my time in Manila, that I'm never satisfied and I'm not appreciative. This is something I've noticed, but I have never really explored before. I reallized I am always searching for something new. Once I get this "something new" it quickly becomes "something old" and then I loose my appreication for it. Again, I'm unsatisfied and thus begins my sick cycle of looking for something to once again fill me up and give me the satisfaction I desire.
I sat in church this morning and listened to Pastor Justin share his heart about the true vision behind Praxis Church. This Sunday, we focused on why he preaches the Good News in every sermon. We spent time looking at how the Bible tells us of Christ from Genesis 3 to the very last page of Revelation. We even discussed how daily we need to preach the Gospel to ourselves. Christ was crucified for our sinful nature and defeated death by rising again. This is seriously the best news we COULD EVER HEAR. Sin has been DEFEATED!!! Yet for some reason, knowing this and beliving this somehow does not feel like it is enough. If you look at my life, you could see that I search for something else to suppliment Christ. The Savior of my soul, my Redeemer, the Innocent Lamb whose blood was shed instead of mine... yeah, sometimes that just doesn't fill me. Rather, I don't LET it fill me. That is sad. This SHOULD make me satisfied. Knowing that I'm redeemed because I have placed my faith in the One and Only who can SAVE me should make me do backflips up and down the street while singing praises to His name. Yet I find myself wanting things of this world... a better car, better clothes, more money, a job that doesn't require me to be humbled by asking people to partner with me finanically... these are things that will NEVER satisfy.
I think I'm going to spend the rest of today and probably this semester praying about and trying to grasp what satisfaction truly looks like. I'm sick of looking to the world to find something I was never meant to find there. I want Jesus to satisfy me... completely. Pastor Justin said it best today. He mentioned that sin is saying we need Jesus and something else along side of Him because He isn't enough. That would be like saying, You need Jesus and to indulge yourself into looking thinner because that's where you find true happiness and real life. Or like saying You need Jesus and to indulge yourself sexually with someone because you will never know true love unless you are giving yourself physically that way to another person. No. All of this stops now. I lay all of these things at the foot of the cross. I need Jesus and only Jesus. In Him is where I get my satisfaction. In Him I am redeemed, saved, made new, forgiven, and not the same Michelle I used to be in the past.
I challenge you as I have challenged myself in looking into where you find your "satisfaction." Is it letting you down? Is it something that seems to go well for a while but then changes? Search for something that is everlasting and unchanging. Seek out Christ. Seeking the Lord is a battle. There will be times where you may fall and you feel like you've failed. God is unchanging. It seems to me that following Christ is something worth battling through and striving for. If it was easy and shallow, would it really fill you in the way you need it to? Christ paid the penalty so that you can be redeemed and share in eternal glory with Him one day. Find something real and be satisfied.
"Let this old life crumble, let it fade. Let this new life offer be your saving grace. Let this old life crumble, let it fade. Let it fade." - Jeremy Camp "Let it fade"
I learned during my time in Manila, that I'm never satisfied and I'm not appreciative. This is something I've noticed, but I have never really explored before. I reallized I am always searching for something new. Once I get this "something new" it quickly becomes "something old" and then I loose my appreication for it. Again, I'm unsatisfied and thus begins my sick cycle of looking for something to once again fill me up and give me the satisfaction I desire.
I sat in church this morning and listened to Pastor Justin share his heart about the true vision behind Praxis Church. This Sunday, we focused on why he preaches the Good News in every sermon. We spent time looking at how the Bible tells us of Christ from Genesis 3 to the very last page of Revelation. We even discussed how daily we need to preach the Gospel to ourselves. Christ was crucified for our sinful nature and defeated death by rising again. This is seriously the best news we COULD EVER HEAR. Sin has been DEFEATED!!! Yet for some reason, knowing this and beliving this somehow does not feel like it is enough. If you look at my life, you could see that I search for something else to suppliment Christ. The Savior of my soul, my Redeemer, the Innocent Lamb whose blood was shed instead of mine... yeah, sometimes that just doesn't fill me. Rather, I don't LET it fill me. That is sad. This SHOULD make me satisfied. Knowing that I'm redeemed because I have placed my faith in the One and Only who can SAVE me should make me do backflips up and down the street while singing praises to His name. Yet I find myself wanting things of this world... a better car, better clothes, more money, a job that doesn't require me to be humbled by asking people to partner with me finanically... these are things that will NEVER satisfy.
I think I'm going to spend the rest of today and probably this semester praying about and trying to grasp what satisfaction truly looks like. I'm sick of looking to the world to find something I was never meant to find there. I want Jesus to satisfy me... completely. Pastor Justin said it best today. He mentioned that sin is saying we need Jesus and something else along side of Him because He isn't enough. That would be like saying, You need Jesus and to indulge yourself into looking thinner because that's where you find true happiness and real life. Or like saying You need Jesus and to indulge yourself sexually with someone because you will never know true love unless you are giving yourself physically that way to another person. No. All of this stops now. I lay all of these things at the foot of the cross. I need Jesus and only Jesus. In Him is where I get my satisfaction. In Him I am redeemed, saved, made new, forgiven, and not the same Michelle I used to be in the past.
I challenge you as I have challenged myself in looking into where you find your "satisfaction." Is it letting you down? Is it something that seems to go well for a while but then changes? Search for something that is everlasting and unchanging. Seek out Christ. Seeking the Lord is a battle. There will be times where you may fall and you feel like you've failed. God is unchanging. It seems to me that following Christ is something worth battling through and striving for. If it was easy and shallow, would it really fill you in the way you need it to? Christ paid the penalty so that you can be redeemed and share in eternal glory with Him one day. Find something real and be satisfied.
"Let this old life crumble, let it fade. Let this new life offer be your saving grace. Let this old life crumble, let it fade. Let it fade." - Jeremy Camp "Let it fade"
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Even one raindrop raises the ocean...
I got on my email today and saw that I had a comment on Friendster, from one of the Filipino students I met this summer. She had left me this picture comment that had a pic of the ocean and the words, "When you think you can't make a difference, remember that one raindrop raises the ocean." Now, as cheesy as it sounds, it was encouraging to see. I have been feeling like that I didn't make much an impact in Manila but I guess more was done than I'll ever know.
Now I'm sitting in Tempe, not on campus, but at home because I have to finish my fundraising. Not being fully funded is really stressful. Its been so hard for me to focus on something like this... even though its extremely important for me to be fully funded... I just want to be on campus, attending welcome week and doing all the things that everyone else is doing. I feel like nothing is settled in my life because I don't have all of my funding in place. I simply don't know what to do anymore. I've talked with people. I've sent out letters. I've made phone calls.... I still only have 57%. God is still good. If He plans for me to be out here the entire school year, the money will come. I'm confident in that. God works so powerfully and in ways I'll never understand. I know that full well. I just wish things didn't have to look the way they do right now.
Anyway, enough rambling for now. Hopefully soon, I'll have more to post about things on campus, exciting people I've met, and everything else that's been happening in my life.
Now I'm sitting in Tempe, not on campus, but at home because I have to finish my fundraising. Not being fully funded is really stressful. Its been so hard for me to focus on something like this... even though its extremely important for me to be fully funded... I just want to be on campus, attending welcome week and doing all the things that everyone else is doing. I feel like nothing is settled in my life because I don't have all of my funding in place. I simply don't know what to do anymore. I've talked with people. I've sent out letters. I've made phone calls.... I still only have 57%. God is still good. If He plans for me to be out here the entire school year, the money will come. I'm confident in that. God works so powerfully and in ways I'll never understand. I know that full well. I just wish things didn't have to look the way they do right now.
Anyway, enough rambling for now. Hopefully soon, I'll have more to post about things on campus, exciting people I've met, and everything else that's been happening in my life.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Being Content...
So I know you're probably wanting to read something that summarizes my time from The Philippines. Well... right now, I just can't write about that. My time there was great, but I simply have not had all the freedom to freely process the way I need to. I've been consumed with my fund raising situation.
God is good. Incredibly good. I learned a lot this summer about His sovereignty. We experience circumstances that we don't understand. The crazy thing is, we instead turn to God and yell at Him about how this is not the situation we wanted to be in. At least that's something I do regularly. I ask and I don't receive in the way I believe I should. Then I quickly turn into some what of a petulant child and throw a hissy fit, telling God, (The Almighty Creator of the Universe) how He should be acting in my life. Craziness. That is probably one of the most ridiculous things I could ever do. God is God and He knows what He is doing.
In the book of Job, we can read about how his faith is tested to unbelievable levels. I mean he's lost his house, children, livelihood... everything. Not to mention he develops boils on his body and has a wife who isn't necessarily standing behind him. He responds to her saying, "You are talking like a foolish woman; Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10) When I first read that passage, it made me truly think about God and how He uses both the good and bad in our lives to help us see His glory and walk even closer with Him. Well now I will pray that I will be content in all circumstances. I have no idea what's going on with my funding situation. "Should I stay or should I go now?" Please pray for me. Raising funds is probably one of the hardest aspects of the job that I've fallen so deeply in love with.
Not only do I ask you to pray for me, but please pray for the A.S.U Nav Staff. We need it. We need to know how to be content in every circumstance. Last night, I read in Mark what seems impossible for man, is possible with God. I truly do believe He delights in the seemingly impossible. I would love to be fully funded. I would love for my staff to be fully funded. I would love for all of us to be focused solely on the ministry and not how our accounts are doing. But above all of that, I would love for God to be glorified. Pray that throughout all of our challenges and struggles that God would still receive the glory and that we would continue to always bring Him praise.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying.
God is good. Incredibly good. I learned a lot this summer about His sovereignty. We experience circumstances that we don't understand. The crazy thing is, we instead turn to God and yell at Him about how this is not the situation we wanted to be in. At least that's something I do regularly. I ask and I don't receive in the way I believe I should. Then I quickly turn into some what of a petulant child and throw a hissy fit, telling God, (The Almighty Creator of the Universe) how He should be acting in my life. Craziness. That is probably one of the most ridiculous things I could ever do. God is God and He knows what He is doing.
In the book of Job, we can read about how his faith is tested to unbelievable levels. I mean he's lost his house, children, livelihood... everything. Not to mention he develops boils on his body and has a wife who isn't necessarily standing behind him. He responds to her saying, "You are talking like a foolish woman; Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10) When I first read that passage, it made me truly think about God and how He uses both the good and bad in our lives to help us see His glory and walk even closer with Him. Well now I will pray that I will be content in all circumstances. I have no idea what's going on with my funding situation. "Should I stay or should I go now?" Please pray for me. Raising funds is probably one of the hardest aspects of the job that I've fallen so deeply in love with.
Not only do I ask you to pray for me, but please pray for the A.S.U Nav Staff. We need it. We need to know how to be content in every circumstance. Last night, I read in Mark what seems impossible for man, is possible with God. I truly do believe He delights in the seemingly impossible. I would love to be fully funded. I would love for my staff to be fully funded. I would love for all of us to be focused solely on the ministry and not how our accounts are doing. But above all of that, I would love for God to be glorified. Pray that throughout all of our challenges and struggles that God would still receive the glory and that we would continue to always bring Him praise.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying.
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