Don't Stop Believing

Wow... end of summer? Already??

I'm shocked that tomorrow school starts for CSULB. I spent this evening hanging out at the Joshua House (Ben, Ernest, Dane, Dan, Dan and Shawn) and met TONS of new people. Some were new freshmen and others were previous friends who hadn't had the chance to reconnect. Its cool to watch people come together and spend time with one another. Fellowship always amazes me. Its also refreshing to be around people who care about one another and the Lord. I needed this time as well. I feel like right before the school year starts or some big event happens, I'm always under some spiritual attack. This time... its my keys. I've lost my car keys and my house key. I spent an amazing day, yesterday, with some very special girls from ASU. After running around together, hanging out at different beaches and exploring southern California a bit... I realize that keys are NO WHERE to be found. I've checked everywhere. I'm trying to not be distraught and upset... but its so frustrating.

So my reminder tonight was the simple fact that God is God no matter what. He's continually in control and He will provide in whatever way possible. My role is to continue to praise Him...even when it hurts or when I'm super frustrated. The easy way out/way to quit is to just throw my hands in the air and claim to be finished. I've noticed that in these past couple of weeks, I've been hearing that I should just give up. I should just give in and claim that I'm no good and neither is God. Then I'm reminded of how much Christ gave for me and how much the disciples suffered for Christ. My struggles are light and momentary. There are bigger things to focus on...like people who need to hear some Good News.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (Colossians 1:13,14)

Another reason for why I do what I do.

I press on for the glory of Christ because He endured the cross on our behalf.


Some prayer requests:

*Pray for me as I continue on this quest for my keys.
*CSULB and the start of a new school year
*The survey tables outside of the dorms: Parkside and Residence
*For my sister who welcomed precious Michael Jay Young into the world 12:58est Sept 1. He weighed in at 8lbs 15oz!!! As Monique called him... "He looks like a little turkey dinner!" I can't wait to meet him.

Refreshed. Redeemed.

God reminded me of some truth, so I thought I would share it with you.

2 Corinthians 12:9 is a verse that will probably continue to shape my faith and walk with the Lord this year... It says,

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I struggled with understanding what Jesus actually meant by saying that. I probably wrote a blog about it a few weeks ago. Anyway, at one of my lowest points this summer, Jesus spoke to me in a dream. Now, this wasn't a dream that was all smoke and mirrors... we were simply having a conversation. There was specific sin that I was struggling with and attempting to punish myself for. I said to Him,

"Is that it? Do I really just get off the hook and walk away like that? How is that fair? Don't I deserve more?" His response to me was, "Michelle, this is what I meant by my grace being sufficient for you. I took care of the punishment by going to the Cross."

Later on, I read in Psalm 89:30-34

"If his children forsake my law and do not walk according to my rules, if they violate my statues and do not keep my commandments, then I will punish their transgression with the rod and their iniquity with stripes, but I will not remove from him my steadfast love or be false to my faithfulness."

When I read that verse, I felt an incredible amount of refreshment. God punished my sins in Christ. His grace is sufficient. I am redeemed. That's all that I need.




Hmm... segue?

Tonight, I sat with my roommates of the House on the Hill and watched a trailer for the movie "College". After seeing this, I'm even more convinced of the need for my job...

I also wanted to include some prayer requests I have for us here at CSULB. Students are moving in at the end of this week and I'm absolutely shocked at how fast this summer has flown by. So if you think of it, could you be praying for the students who are arriving this week and next?

• Pray that people would know and trust Christ.
  
• That we, as Navigator staff and followers of Christ, would boldly encourage students to passionately run hard after Jesus and to work hard to know truth.
• For energy during Welcome Week and excitement to build new friendships.
  
• For our staff team to be on one accord as we show love and truth on campus.
• For our team to trust the Lord as He leads us and our director, Don.
  
• That we would also trust Don as he follows God's guidance.
• For all of us and our fund-raising... that we would continue to work hard at this and trust in the Lord for His provision.
  
• For our relationships with our financial partners...that we would continue to represent the Good News of Christ to them.

I think that's it for now. Be on the look out for my next newsletter. Oh and if you aren't receiving newsletters from me but would like to, please contact me and send me your address. I'd love to add you to my mailing list.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. I love you and I miss all of you in Tempe. And if you're reading this and live in Cincinnati, remember, I'm coming into town September 17th - 30th. We should meet up.

External processing & A need for prayer

If I'm not honest with myself... who will I be honest with?


I love living here. Everything is different and its cool. I am beginning to adjust a little and getting used to living in Cali.... although, last night when we put together Esther's armoire, (sp) we had to earthquake proof it... which was a bit weird for me. I'm not used to earthquake proofing things.

The thing I need to be honest about is the fact that I am overwhelmed. I'm sooo overwhelmed with moving, being involved with a new/different ministry, the need to be vulnerable with new people who don't know me yet... everything. Please pray for me. Pray that I would find my comfort in the Lord and not any other place. Pray that I would feel okay to cry and be emotional. Lately, I've been telling myself that I can't cry and admit that I'm overwhelmed because when I do that, I'm doubting that the Lord is capable of working... there can't be any truth in that statement.

Anyway, the latest stress is funding...(isn't that always my stress?) As I said yesterday, I have to leave California in a month to head back to Cincinnati for 2-3 weeks to work more on my fund-raising. (September 17th - September 30th...possibly even through October 6th) Currently, I'm at 59% of my fully funded goal. 70% allows me to minister full time on campus for the fall semester. That means right now I've raised a little over $36,000. To be here for the fall I need at least another $10,000. To have 100% would be $62,000. Big numbers? Yes. Does it look ridiculous? Possibly. Do we have a big God? Yes. And, He does things that ALWAYS seem impossible. I'm excited because I've never raised this much money before, and I've seen the Lord do incredible things and bless me throughout these past few months. I'm discouraged because I unfortunately look at my percentage and realize I still have a long way to go. So, all this to say I need your prayer. Please pray with me in seeking the Lord for strength. Please pray that I will finally deal with emotions and fears and how I'm feeling. Please pray that the funding would come in... soon.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. I'll see you soon, Cincinnati.

Here's an upside... I'll at least get to be there at the start of football season. WHODEY!! (that's for you Randall ;P )

Lets pack up and move to California :)

So... I MADE IT!

I live in Southern California! That's such a crazy statement for me. Three years ago, I would have never thought of leaving Cincinnati for a job. Now... here I am. I have a job and roommates and tons of new opportunities ahead of me.

I guess you're wondering what its like and how I feel and what I thin of everything... well, so far... I haven't seen much. People here are SOOO different and so is their driving. So, I don't like to venture out much. It's always intimidating when you see people speeding up behind you only to switch lanes, pass you and cut back in front of you. I'll have to get used to the aggression on the roads out here. My roommates are amazing. I have 4 of them... Valerie, Esther, Holly and Stephanie. Together we make up the Hill House and its been pretty cool so far. I haven't spent much time with Steph yet because she's actually been out of the country for the past 10 days. I'm hanging out with Esther tonight... we're going to Ikea with hopes to find a wardrobe for the upstairs bedroom. Holly is so sweet. She laughs all the time and I love hanging out with her. Valerie encourages me to go after things and to not be afraid. We get the most time together since our schedules line up the most. She's full of suggestions for places to see and where to drive and things to explore. Its pretty cool. My first day, we went down to the Queen Mary and attempted to walk in... but it was like $25 just to WALK IN THE DOOR! Lame. We decided against that and just roamed around downtown for a bit. I think I could get used to living here.

So... I think that's all the updates on Long Beach for now. I'm hearing all about how ASU is starting up with their semester planning and I'm sooo sad to not be around for that. Its been hard to know that once again I'm starting with a ministry in a new location and I'm walking through that whole new and uncomfortable feeling... but as Eddie Broussard said, "There's no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone." So... here's to growing!

Other updates: Funding... wow, this has been a crazy challenge for my life. But the cool thing is I'm learning to look at it with different lenses. I mean, I could choose to look at the total number I need to raise and call the Navigators and the Lord crazy for expecting me to raise that much money as a single woman. (Honestly, I tend to do that... often) But then, I realize that what I do is NOT about money. It is NOT about fund-raising and it is NOT about being comfortable and living a life of luxury. What I do is not even about myself. Its about the Lord and His good news going out to the ends of the earth. I care a great deal about people knowing Truth and knowing that this Truth will set them free. We have been freed from the holds of our sin (no matter how big or small) and we have the chance to live new and redeemed life.

Now, the part that I do get tripped up on is doing this alone. I've been saying for the past three years, I don't know how much longer I can do this by myself. The new lesson I'm learning is that I'm not alone. I've got a continually growing base of people who want to take part in this same vision. They too want to have an impact on someone other than themselves. These people want to see my life changed and the lives of college students changed. They want to see the message of Christ go out through the nation and through the world. So I'm not alone. I never will be. I have the Lord who is fighting for me and I have a base of friends and family who are also extremely supportive. Now, because this base does need to grow and I still have a fully funded goal that I do need to reach... I will be returning to Cincinnati.

In about about a month from now, I'll be back in the city that I love. I will be meeting face to face with people and getting excited about this vision of impacting lives. So take this as my first notice. I will be in contact with you when I return home. I'd love to sit down and talk about what the Lord is doing in my life and the lives at Cal State Long Beach. If you wanna get some time with me, please please please let me know!

I think that's it for now. I promise to add pictures and more updates as I get more comfortable and explore. Lets talk soon! Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. I love you and I miss you.


Colossians 3:16-17"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the same of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Having the courage...

I looked at the title of my blog and felt the hot sting of tears. I can and very easily claim the verse Joshua 1:9 for my ministry and all the work that I do for the Navigators. I realized tonight, I've never claimed it for my life. If I am going to have the courage to go all over the world to share Jesus with people, I must have the courage to dig deep into my life and continue to share Jesus with myself. Going there with the Lord is hard and not something I always want to do. A wise woman once told me that the path of wisdom is always hard to walk along. I hate it when I have to actually deal with my issues. In my world, it seems like it would be easier to ignore the problems and let them go away. I'm coming to realize that has been the main issue for so long. Things in my life that I haven't dealt with.... I let them grow yet would attempt to cut them back at times... they would grow and grow and grow. The way to get rid of something is to pull it out by the roots.

I came home to Tempe yesterday and was shocked to see the growth that has happened all around my house. We have this bush in the front yard that kind of reminds me of an alien. In my head, I refer to it as the "space bush". Lame... I know... Anyway, this "space bush" had grown so out of control, I couldn't even make it to my front door. I had to push back branches that have these tiny round orange flowers all over it. The place was a mess and I was instantly embarrassed because I know many people have driven by and seen the attack of the "space bush". I was even embarrassed because I knew that the mail man had to push back these orange budded branches just to do his job and deliver the mail that was supposed to be on vacation suspend. Anyway, I say all of this because it reminds me of the sin in my life. These are the issues I just don't want to deal with. I let them go, believing that they will continue to be the same small issues when I come back. I'm wrong. They grow and create a mess that has to be pushed back in order to get to the door. They stop me from being seen as the real and redeemed Michelle. They attempt to look pretty and add decoration. These are just lies and they need to be ripped out at the root.

I'm reading a book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free and its pretty interesting. I'm learning about how lies go back to the original sin of Adam and Eve. The lie that tricked Eve made the fruit look absolutely irresistible. She traded the truth about God for a lie that resulted in astronomical affects on His precious creation. If she can do that... what about me? What affects will the lies that I believe have on the rest of God's creation?

I'm here to say that I've fallen short. I've messed up and now have to walk through a process of understanding truth all over again. Things I do know is that God's love is unchanging, everlasting, permanent and will never ever ever be changed or taken away by anything that I do...same goes for you too. I know that I'm never too far away from God to be out of His reach. I'm never too close that I don't need Him.

I can tell that my move to California will be another life impacting step for me. Perhaps I will finally see freedom from the bondage of lies that I believe. Perhaps I'll help others obtain this same freedom. Heck, perhaps I'll even get married and really have to deal with issues in my life... who knows what these next two years of Staff In Training will provide for me. God is a big God who loves unconditionally and desires nothing else but to have us in right standing and good fellowship with Him.


God,
You promised me that You'll never leave me nor forsake me. You say in Isaiah 43:2 that when I pass through the waters, You will be with me, and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm me; when I walk through fire I shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume me. You said to me in Joshua 1:9 to be strong and courageous; to not be terrified or discouraged because You are with me whenever I may go. So here I am, I will walk. I will go. I will fight. It will be hard and I'll probably try to quit on You. I'll probably say mean things to You; say that You are wrong; attempt to not trust you. I'm sick of watching all of this grow into an overgrown ugly mess. Please go to the root and tear it out. Continue to make me new. Continue to keep me excited about what you are doing in and through my life. Here I am Lord... let's do this.

mini-update

So... I made it back to Tempe... safe and quickly! Thanks for thinking of me and praying for my trip. I really appreciate it. I must say that Amber is a great road-trip friend. We hardly needed to stop for anything and we made it back to Tempe in 27 hours! I know, I know... that sounds like a loooonng time... but that's the fastest I've ever made it back. My longest time is 35 hours.

Anyway, I'm back in Tempe, and I face a ton of issues... like packing my room, paying the last bit owed on my condo, switching over addresses and canceling services/magazines, dealing with the mistakes that were made this summer and the lessons learned, saying final goodbyes and new hellos....

I have lots to journal about..so I think I'm going to go do that. Perhaps, I'll journal and sit by the pool for a couple of hours? Anyway, once I process, I'll have another one of these posts for you to read. In the meantime... rest assured that I didn't suffer any loss or feel anything in the earthquake in LA. I've had lots of phone calls and emails asking if I was okay. Thanks for the concern... I'll be out that way this Saturday :)

letting go helps us to live new lives.

Experiences teach us so much.... so does letting your guard down. I'm amazed at what it looks like to finally say, "Okay, I give up." For the past nine years I filled my life with hate and confusion. I made vows to never trust or love her again. I spent all this time being bitter and walking around with a huge chip on my shoulder because she's wronged me in the past and she must know how much it hurts. Even with a huge loss in our lives, I still attempted to do things out of my own strength and not out of love. I hurt her more than I can ever imagine and random acts of kindness cannot heal those wounds.

This summer has taught me what it looks like to pray and trust God with your prayers. It has only been 5 weeks, but I feel like I've experienced tremendous healing. I could chalk it up to circumstance and say that's the reason why things are going the way they have been. I think it would be better to let the Lord get the glory out of this one. I've looked at our interactions objectively and seen what's really being communicated. At times there was fear... which I've easily mistaken for anger and judgment. There was frustration at outside events that I took as a personal hatred. There was the needed alone time that I had intruded upon, yet took the reaction as a message of disdain. I've realized that over the years, I would stand on my soap box and scream about how grace + acceptance = love. I never included forgiveness. At times I would get frustrated but comfort myself by saying that I'm being the bigger person because I chose to walk away... yet I held onto my anger for her and let it grow very ugly things in my heart. I could smile at my actions knowing that I didn't throw the first or last punch... yet I still reminded myself of why I hated her and kept the secret anger inside.

Now I love because she's all that I have. I forgive because He forgave us and holding onto anger belittles the grace that Our Savior bestows upon us daily. I've accepted her for her faults and cherish the things that make us more similar than I, at times, would like to think we are. I'm sad that I won't be around for new life changes. I'm glad that we learned how to talk and treat one another like adults. I praise the Lord because a few years ago... er... a few months ago, I never would have written this blog.

Please take this as my apology. Know that I'm finally growing and letting the Lord make things right.

I love you sister.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26b