mini-update

So... I made it back to Tempe... safe and quickly! Thanks for thinking of me and praying for my trip. I really appreciate it. I must say that Amber is a great road-trip friend. We hardly needed to stop for anything and we made it back to Tempe in 27 hours! I know, I know... that sounds like a loooonng time... but that's the fastest I've ever made it back. My longest time is 35 hours.

Anyway, I'm back in Tempe, and I face a ton of issues... like packing my room, paying the last bit owed on my condo, switching over addresses and canceling services/magazines, dealing with the mistakes that were made this summer and the lessons learned, saying final goodbyes and new hellos....

I have lots to journal about..so I think I'm going to go do that. Perhaps, I'll journal and sit by the pool for a couple of hours? Anyway, once I process, I'll have another one of these posts for you to read. In the meantime... rest assured that I didn't suffer any loss or feel anything in the earthquake in LA. I've had lots of phone calls and emails asking if I was okay. Thanks for the concern... I'll be out that way this Saturday :)

letting go helps us to live new lives.

Experiences teach us so much.... so does letting your guard down. I'm amazed at what it looks like to finally say, "Okay, I give up." For the past nine years I filled my life with hate and confusion. I made vows to never trust or love her again. I spent all this time being bitter and walking around with a huge chip on my shoulder because she's wronged me in the past and she must know how much it hurts. Even with a huge loss in our lives, I still attempted to do things out of my own strength and not out of love. I hurt her more than I can ever imagine and random acts of kindness cannot heal those wounds.

This summer has taught me what it looks like to pray and trust God with your prayers. It has only been 5 weeks, but I feel like I've experienced tremendous healing. I could chalk it up to circumstance and say that's the reason why things are going the way they have been. I think it would be better to let the Lord get the glory out of this one. I've looked at our interactions objectively and seen what's really being communicated. At times there was fear... which I've easily mistaken for anger and judgment. There was frustration at outside events that I took as a personal hatred. There was the needed alone time that I had intruded upon, yet took the reaction as a message of disdain. I've realized that over the years, I would stand on my soap box and scream about how grace + acceptance = love. I never included forgiveness. At times I would get frustrated but comfort myself by saying that I'm being the bigger person because I chose to walk away... yet I held onto my anger for her and let it grow very ugly things in my heart. I could smile at my actions knowing that I didn't throw the first or last punch... yet I still reminded myself of why I hated her and kept the secret anger inside.

Now I love because she's all that I have. I forgive because He forgave us and holding onto anger belittles the grace that Our Savior bestows upon us daily. I've accepted her for her faults and cherish the things that make us more similar than I, at times, would like to think we are. I'm sad that I won't be around for new life changes. I'm glad that we learned how to talk and treat one another like adults. I praise the Lord because a few years ago... er... a few months ago, I never would have written this blog.

Please take this as my apology. Know that I'm finally growing and letting the Lord make things right.

I love you sister.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26b

Honestly, this is my prayer...

God,

I think I'm scared. I'm sitting here attempting to type a letter that is asking for a lot of money, so that I can be fully available on campus in the fall. I'm scared, because as I write this letter and add the specific dollar amount, I'm afraid of the reaction that it will receive. I am afraid that the faith people have in you will shrink away and people will once again believe that you are incapable of making this amount of money come to be. I'm scared because I know I'm the one who is believing these things right now. Lord, I know you are big and I know that you ask us to trust you, even when it seems shaky and extremely uncomfortable. I do know that I am excited to see where my faith is going and that one day I will have all kinds of wisdom given from you because of these experiences you walk me through. Lord, just know that I'm scared. Know that I don't want to walk into these meetings. Know that I don't want to ask for this money. I am tempted to simply hide behind my fear. Know that I will be bold and will do these things because you've asked me to. I asked for you to help me grow and in return, you asked me to trust. So here we are...Please help me to stand on the promises you have given me. Please help me to know that you are faithful to your word when you tell me to trust because you provide. Please help me to once again be strong and by faith step out because you have asked me to. I pray for my funding and for all of my friends who are doing the same thing. Please calm our nerves and help us to trust/rest in you. I love you Lord and I thank you for all that you walk with me through. Thank you for situations like these where I can do nothing but call out to you and put all that I have in you.
- Amen.

Please keep praying for me and all of the staff who are fundraising right now.

Just 28% more... then I'll be at 70% of my total budget and I will be able to report to campus on time.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Heb 11:1

Even in the small things....

This is my story of encountering God in the small things. It may not seem like a big deal or anything... but it made me stop and think about big God is and how He is all about the little things that seem important to us.

So, there I was, spending a ridiculous amount of time searching for a song without knowing many of the words and only knowing a little of the bit of the chorus.

Then, God told me to ask Him for the song. Of course, I think this is ridiculous, because:

a) would God really ask me to pray about finding a song?
b) and if so, why would God even care if I found it or not? I mean really, aren't there bigger things for Him to focus on?
Clearly, this was the wrong mindset. So, I kinda shrugged my shoulders and asked Him anyway.

Then, the word "everlasting" came to mind. (this was a huge improvement... the only other words I had before were "unchanging, your love never fails"... a line that is not even in the song)

A few more minutes of searching... I found what I was looking for....

Lesson: Never doubt that God hears you. Even in the half-hearted prayers about the small, seemingly unimportant things,  He still hears and will act.

"From the Inside Out"





A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord 

Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out


"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act." --> Psalm 37:5 (ESV)

**No matter what you believe, I hope that you can experience God in the "little things" at some point today. And if you do... feel free to write me about it. I'd love to hear what happens.**

Fundraising can be encouraging and discouraging.

I'm starting this off by saying that I think God and I must communicate through music. He's always providing a background song for whatever situation I may be in...

This time it was Relient K "For the moments I feel faint"





Anyway, I just got a little overwhelmed. I thought I should blog about it. Funding is tough but I just checked my account and added a few people and my little bar graph went from 22% to 24%. That's a sweet feeling! Its a little slow, but still going. As the song was playing in my head, I began to realize the message that it was sending me. I'm doing this whole funding thing so that I can continue to share Jesus with college students. I should not underestimate Him. Obviously, the money will come in at the appropriate time. I can no longer doubt that I will get funded. Every need I have will be provided for.

I sat with a friend today and we talked about life, money and jobs. We talked about how good it feels to finally do something you truly care about and get excited for. If you do something you hate solely for the money, then there's no point in doing it at all. I love my job and couldn't be happier to have a career at 23.

I think I feel a little more encouraged about the whole funding process I have to walk through.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. If you give, thanks for being a part of this. I (along with a lot of ASU Navigators) appreciate your partnership.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exalts, and with my song I give thanks to Him." Ps. 28:7

Cincy: Week 1

Whoa... I've been home for a week.. crazy! I feel like this has flown by sooo fast! Plenty of highlights to write about. First and foremost, God is good. I must give Him the praise. I came into town not exactly excited to arrive, and God has changed my thoughts/heart around... completely.
Highlight #2: My nephew was so happy for me to come home. He's spent so much time just sitting with me and telling me about his life. Conversations with a five year old are amazing.
Highlight #3: Seeing my sister has been so fun. I love her pregnant belly and I'm excited to meet my new nephew Michael!
Highlight #4: I love my friends. The best part about seeing the people who are such a big support network for me, is that Sarah has been able to be here this whole week. I've truly been blessed by her friendship and I'm glad that she's been able to experience the greatest city in the nation :)
Highlight #5: Skyline chili... this just makes me love Cincinnati

I'm sure there are more highlights to report on, but I'm spent and I have to unfortunately drive Sarah to the airport early in the morning.

If you've been praying for me and my time here in Cincy, thanks soooo much! Things are going well and God is so incredibly good. I will try to keep updating throughout my time here.

Prayer requests: Pray for my time at home with my family and friends. I hope that this will continue to go well and that I will continue to be encouraged. Pray also for my funding as I am reconnecting with people and trying to make it to Long Beach before August 15th.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. You're Great!

Ps. 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, He will act."

ugh... really?

its 12:35am pst... I'm leaving to DRIVE across the country yet again in 6 hours and I'm awake blogging/crying. I'm having such a hard time dealing with change. I know that exciting things await me in the very near future, but its so hard to change. I love so many people in Tempe and I (right now) hate that I'm leaving.


I have plenty to look forward to... I'm seeing some of my greatest friends in Cincinnati in a few days; I'm hanging out with my family; I get to meet up with people who have partnered with me in ministry; I get to see people who are extremely excited for what God is doing in my life... and so because of these things, I will try to end this positively. I know that good things are happening for me and I really am excited. I'm just a bit stressed about the next six weeks and the crazy changes I have to endure again.

I am excited because, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:1-5)

I'm gonna go to sleep now, but before I do, I'm going to be thankful for changes, challenges, trials, endurance, courage, faith and hope.

Please continue to pray for me as I take giant steps of faith and put all of my trust in a very big God.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying.